Funny how God always knows when you need to hear from Him. While I've been struggling to figure out how to juggle my responsibilities at home, at work and with The Shining Light Fund, He's been preparing to speak to me and show me that He's there, He's listening and He's waiting for me to release it all.
Yesterday we spent the day at the original First Born Chapel, the place where the spiritual heritage of my husband's family was born. Jon comes from a family of ministers and it all began with Granpa Fillon at a small white church in Torrance. When the congregation outgrew that building, they moved to the church in Lomita that we attend today, where I met Jon and where we were married.
I found myself listening to stories about the old church with a huge smile on my face. It was a joy to watch everyone experiencing the warmth of remembrance. It also brought back to mind the vivid memories that I have of my own grandmother, ever on her knees in prayer on behalf of her family. This is the foundation upon which I was raised and I can now pass on to my son.
Then this morning, as we entered our church for morning service, I was handed a bulletin, just as I am every week. Sometimes I read it all the way through, other times I look just for the scripture reference for that week. Today I opened it up to read the following:
Anxious soul, God is saying to you today, "Be still and know that I am God." And there's a reason He's saying it. Your activity, when born out of anxiety, actually prevents Him from showing Himself strong on your behalf. That doesn't mean you're to be passive or lazy; it just means you're to do whatever He leads you to do without running ahead of Him in the energy of the flesh. It also means you're to submit to Him first, then slow down and wait. In other words, make sure you have a sense of peace to go along with the ideas He's given you. Ask Him to reveal to you His will in the matter, then "be still" and acknowledge that He's God, He's in charge, He knows what He's doing. Learn to trust Him without always demanding to know what He's going to do, when He's going to do it and how He's going to carry it out.
Until you really embrace that God is the vine and you are a branch, you'll keep trying to do things that only God can do - like blessing yourself, promoting your own ministry, solving your own problems and answering your own prayers. Or worse, you'll try to cover up for Him because you think He's not doing it fast enough or in the way it should be done. Give it up! Try less and trust more. Jesus said, "I am the vine and you are the branches." All you have to do is stay connected.
It's not up to me to be the glue that holds all the pieces together. I just need to play my role. And when bad things happen, which they will, it's not the end of everything. If I fall or if I fail, I have only to stand up again and take the next step with some added wisdom. And that's not so bad. That just makes me a person, and if I'm not mistaken, that's exactly what I was meant to be.
Thanks for listening.